Violence against women: recognizing false beliefs

My partner is violent because they use alcohol or drugs


Exhibiting violent behavior and substance use are two different issues. Alcohol can act as a trigger or an excuse for the abuser; often, it is a substance that makes it easier for the abuser to act. 


Abused women have provoked their partners in one way or another


The abuser’s violent behavior is unpredictable and even a trivial fact can trigger their “crises”. Nothing can justify the use of violence, the abuser alone remains responsible for their acts. If the relationship no longer suits the abuser, it is also their responsibility to end it if they no longer feel happy in the relationship.


Women are as violent as men


Women are still predominantly victims of men, in a proportion of more than 80% each year. It is said that men strike first and last; women’s physical violence is often a reaction to that experienced. It should also be remembered that the consequences of physical violence will be more severe for women, as they generally do not have the same physical strength as men.


There’s no point in helping an abused woman, she’ll go back anyway


Making a change our life takes time, especially when it comes to ending a romantic relationship. Most of the time, victims want to end the abuse, not the relationship. The fears and consequences of women who experience violence are many and real. The main anxieties concern the children, the reactions of the partner and those around them, the threat of reprisals, the sometimes precarious financial situation even before the separation, the fear of loneliness and rejection, etc.


Violence among immigrant women is normal, it’s part of their culture


While there are still cultures that are more tolerant of violence against women, this in no way justifies the control or domination that these people are subjected to. As violence is a social problem, there must be political will to ensure their safety and that of their children. As such, Canada is a fervent activist in the fight against the oppression of women at international level, through its involvement at the UN for example.


Violence does not exist in the elderly, they are too old for it


Although physical violence appears to decrease with age, the abuse of older people is very real. The fear of reprisals may even be heightened, given the vulnerability and isolation that some aging people sometimes suffer.


It is in the nature of man to want to control and use violent means to do so


Some men regard their wives and children as their possessions and that they owe them obedience. They will not necessarily exhibit this attitude of domination in their contact with other people. Violence is therefore a learned behavior used as a control strategy, reinforced by the different socialization processes in boys and girls.


A violent man is sick or has a mental health problem, he is not responsible for his violence


Violence is not a disease, but rather a behavior chosen as a means to dominate the other partner. This amounts to relieving the abuser’s of responsibility for their actions. While it is obvious that these people need help, the problem lies solely with the abuser and they alone have the power to take charge of themselves to make the desired changes or maintain the status quo . The vast majority of people with mental health problems do not engage in violent behavior. 


Violence is due to the liberation of women, which may mean that she has a better salary than her partner, for example


Violence does not depend on the socio-economic conditions of women and exists in all layers of society. Once again, this argument can be used by the abuser not to take responsibility for their behavior or to assume the role of victim.


It wasn’t violent if the victim didn’t struggle or scream


Being a victim of violence can cause a state of fear that paralyzes us, preventing us from standing up for ourselves or reacting. The victim may also fear that the situation will escalate further if they react or scream.


Jealousy is proof of love


Jealousy is not proof of love in itself. Rather, the underlying message is that you don’t trust your partner. When this feeling is expressed in a negative way, under the guise of violent behavior, for example, it becomes a manifestation of control aimed at limiting the victim’s social contact, managing their way of dressing or behaving, etc. We can feel a little jealousy from time to time without, however, without the need to control every action of the other person.